Blessed

Its 3:00 in the morning on Thursday June 10th. We finished packing the totes with our tools, gifts for the missionaries and other things needed for the trip. We await the rest of the teams arrival at 4 AM to load the bus at and leave to Chicago to catch our plane to Washington DC, then to Amsterdam and on to Nairobi. As I sit I sit in the quiet of the church, I am thankful for all that has led up to this trip. The last 2 months have been a whirlwind of activity, getting much done in a little time in order to make this trip happen.

As I sit here I don't feel anxiety for the trip, as I know this is what I am supposed to be doing. What I am feeling though is incredibly blessed, it is overwhelming right now. God has given me more than I deserve, I am rich in knowing his love. I am so grateful for the love that comes from my wife, children, family and friends. I have been given every earthly gift there could be. God has been so good and I know He loves me and made me for a purpose. There are few things more fulfilling than that knowledge.

So I head off around the world more 8,000 miles away from home knowing God cares enough to break my heart once again in order that I might move closer to Him. I have stopped wondering what God will do on this trip and have accepted that it is yet another moment to kill off some of my flesh and be reborn more like Him. I look forward to all He will do and to how this will change us as individuals and as a group.

I ask for your prayer while we are gone, for courage to follow where God leads and to grow as He stretches us. I ask for prayer for my family, at home who will worry about me and work hard in my absence, getting ready for camp. I ask you to follow the link to the Living Hope Missions Blog that will give updates while we are on the trip. I look forward to blogging here when I get back, but with a new outlook on serving God through traveling this path he has taken us on.

Balance

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong."

Charles Wadsworth

My dad turned 70 years old just a few days ago. It has started me thinking about him, what he means to me and the blessing God has given me in my family. Few men have had the opportunity I have had to stand in ministry, working side by side, doing God's work like we have. It is a gift I have both loved and hated over the years, and I am sure he would concur! God put us together in this unique partnership, as together we are more whole than we ever could be apart. God has made it so clear over the years that our relationship of dependance is key to the survival of the ministry we are called to. My dad has always been a rock, even tempered, centered, and very conservative. I on the other hand am artistic, emotional, extreme, and a dreamer. Somehow we meet in the middle and together are much more able than we are apart. My father is very wise, sometimes dogmatic, and has whole lot of common sense. He has told me since I was a teenager that I might not have any sense whatsoever and that I am hardheaded, which is often true! But again, we meet in the middle of this, and become more whole together than apart. My perspective of my father comes from several places; as his son, as his co-laborer in ministry, as a subordinate and at times as his boss. While this could be confusing, it is not, mainly because he remains consistent in every role. So after knowing my dad for over 40 years of his 70, I have learned that the key to much of life is balance. That may make you laugh if you know me, balance is not something that anyone thinks of when they think of me, yet it is something I think of daily. While I am not always balanced myself, it is in community I can be. God created us to be in community, not alone. He has given us spouses who should balance us, kids, families and friends, all who help us be balanced. My extreme gifts are useless with out the balance of a time and place to use them, something other people bring to the table.

As I ponder relationships, it is imbalance that usually creates the issues, the perception of one person giving more, needing more, or not doing their share. It seems to be true in marriage, working relationships, family relationships and really all relationships. God gives us community, each other, in order to bring balance. Our flesh tells us to not depend on others, to keep control and to push our own agenda, it is only through the Holy Spirit that we can be humbled and graceful enough to desire the balance that we need. It is a daily battle for me, and I am thankful for a father to help me fight this battle, as we live in community here at Camp Daniel.

Knot Hole Vision

Many of you who read this may not know that I am getting prepared for a missions trip to Kenya, Africa. Tim and Chrissy have been taking teams to Africa for the last ten years working with friends from their days at Bethany College of Missions in Minnesota, who are full time missionaries in Kenya. This trip is to build a girls school where there is no school for girls, in an area where there are few Christians. If you have interest in learning more, I would invite you to our blog about the missions we are involved in at

www.lhcmissions.blogspot.com.

We leave June 10th and will be gone over two weeks. If you can help me financially please email me and will send you out a support card. If you will pray for me during this time please email that you would commit to that.

tony@campdaniel.org

I am getting a consistent question...Why do you want to go to Africa? Don't you have enough to do? The answer is yes, I have enough to do, but more importantly the answer is that I believe this trip will help me grow; closer to God, farther from my "American" candy coated life, and as a servant, a minister and leader. I go on this trip not necessarily feeling "called" but I don't particularly believe that has much to do with anything but my main life's pursuit. Biblically, it says to "Go" so I will. It is hard for others from the outside to see how this lines up in the vision God has given us for Camp Daniel, but it does. My Uncle Jerry taught me many years ago that God always cares more about our relationship with Him than the ministry we are in. It is that basis in which much of the ministry has happened at Camp Daniel. As the servants who carry out the ministry grow, so does the ministry grow. So this trip is vital to the future of Camp Daniel and our growth.

Sue Koch taught taught me a simple yet very profound concept some years ago. It goes like this; Life is like watching a baseball game... through a knot hole in a fence. The game is going on and God is seeing it all, yet we can only see the narrow sight line through that hole. At some point in the game we may see a batter hit the ball up in the air, and a fielder catch it. We may have disappointment because he got out. But what we missed was the go ahead run scoring as it was a sacrifice fly. This has been so profound to me that I have based allot of my leadership on the concept, I am only seeing from my point of view, not God's. So a big part of what I have tried to do is enlarge the knot hole in order to have a wider sight line. That is what this missions trip is all about, enlarging the knot hole to see a broader perspective to change me, the ministry I am involved in, and the way I lead, by seeing from a perspective just a little closer to heavens.

I know that we never see the entire game while here on earth, and that will make it hard to do things right. Yet, I also know God is constantly giving us opportunity to see things from His perspective, we must be willing to look. They are simply glimpses, but they are life changing every time they happen. So I go to Africa knowing I will get a glimpse of what God wants me to see, and that is exciting, yet I go humbly and with a little fear as I know that these glimpses cause us to grow and growth can hurt! So I ask for your prayer as I continue to cut at that knot hole to make it bigger.

Doubt

“When in doubt... sing loud” Robert Merrill - Composer

Yesterday I was talking with my friend George about doubt, I have been thinking about it since. Doubt is a constant companion in my Christian walk. I believe it is the ability to overcome doubt that is key to opening ourselves up to all that God has for our lives. For so many doubt steals away the ability to make decisions to move ahead in life. It forces people to live in a bubble of protection and wall building. It keeps people in the pits when the race is already started.

As I read about the heroes of faith in the Bible I see so many people in doubt... Moses, Gideon, and Peter just to name a few. While Thomas gets the nickname, I think all of us battle the same issue. Often when we say we are praying for confirmation of this or that we believe God wants us to do, but really we simply are in doubt. I believe it is rarely a question about what to do for God, but more a question of if we can overcome the little voice inside to do it.

In church yesterday we learned about the inner critic we all have, and how that inhibits us to truly be free to worship and praise God. We learned that the inner critic grows as we do, in children it is not present, but as we grow up it does too! We learned of this because there will be a new class on Sunday Mornings investigating the development of the different sides of our brains. What an incredible idea, a hands on way to overcome our inner critic to help us to be free follow God's voice! Revolutionary! What if the whole church entered into a class like this, and began practicing this freeing concept, the results could change everything!

Growing up, I was blessed to live in a setting much like this class will be. We learned that children that are encouraged in their artistic ability are more naturally able to sound out the inner critic. I was always an artist, encouraged to create and applauded by the results. So while the inner critic or doubt as we call it, still exists in me I believe it is tamed a little through time and practice. It is often merely by practice that we do certain repetitive actions, this can be good or bad. We want to make sure those habits we have are healthy and bring us closer to God. I have many... many bad habits. Actions that are repetitive that hurt me, stunt my growth and bring me away from God. So it becomes even more important to build up the muscle that silences that inner critic. It is through time and use that it gets strong enough to pull the weaker parts of me along. It is now the muscle that dominates my movement that makes me move ahead toward God and away from myself, my doubt, my pity and my shame.

So as I spoke with George yesterday, we concluded it would better to move ahead in fear, denying that voice of doubt that is always there. I think we both can feel better knowing the company we keep...Moses, Gideon, Peter, Thomas, George and Tony too!

My reply to the comment by Anonymous on my post below

I am thankful to those who leave comments on this blog, it is encouraging and at times challenging. Blogging for me is putting a little of me out there on display for others to see. I write two entries for every one I post, as I tend to rant about things that hit me. Anyway, I want to reply to a comment from my last entry here in this new post. While I don't like anonymous replies, I do appreciate the reply in its challenge and as an opportunity to open discussion, it is my hope to inspire discussion through what I write here.

I do not feel my Blog entry "What a day it will be" overstated any point. It is easy for us who are not being threatened and killed to feel it is ok to understate the current climate in which we live and die. Statistics prove that as many as 92% of babies who, through prenatal testing, show that they may be born with down syndrome, will be killed. This is the very definition of genocide. Webster defines genocide as the deliberate and systematic destruction of a racial political, or cultural group. Coined in 1944, geno- from latin = race and -cide from greek = kill "genocide". People with mental disabilities are a culture, being threatened with extinction through mass killings. Socialized medicine has been detrimental to people with disabilities through out history. When Hitlers Germany began their attempt to crush people with disabilities into oblivion in 1939, the mass killing went unnoticed and the cries unheard by the world. The killings of thousands with disabilities continued for several years before what is called the holocaust even began. The worlds attitudes have changed little as this culture of people who have disabilities are still unvalued and threatened by this attitude. My use of the words genocide and crushed into oblivion are not thoughtless words of anger but rather well thought out words of taken from history we seem bent on repeating.

Ignorance is never a pass for bad language and hurting words. The language is constant and consistent in the world today. Just recently as I walked with my brothers at a dept store, one of them was called a retard by a teenage boy as he tried to talk to him. So know that people with disabilities are called this regularly, and this is not the only time this has happened to us.

My intent is not to see government change but rather the church. While I do see there have been changes in the last year for people with disabilities for the good, I believe the bad is out weighing the good. When there is a group of people in bondage to a government it cannot end well unless that group is freed. Therefor I believe the church is last defense of those most defenseless. The church is the only place where the culture of people with disabilities can be valued as God values and stand against those who wish to eliminate them in the ways I have mentioned here. I am not one who ever complains with out action, my life and the life of my family is centered in recognizing the value of people with disabilities and forcing the issue with anyone in our path. It is not a pet issue with us, but a life calling that has spanned generations, life and death. I will not rely on my words to try and get representatives, senators and lobbyists to create change, but on God and His church to value and love those He has created, values and loves. We are in the final days where we are not banging our heads against brick walls but rather where bricks are slammed into the heads of those most defenseless... and we must stand up for them. The change that came in Little Rock in the form of desegregation did not come fast enough for those who where lynched, tortured enslaved and killed in the preceding years of American history and change cannot come fast enough for those fighting for life now.

What a Day It will Be!

In Alice in Wonderland, Alice gets to a fork in the road and she asks the cat. "Which way do I go?" "Where are you going?," asks the cat. "I don't know." "Then it really doesn't make any difference which way you go," replies the cat.

White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel recently used the word retarded and the backlash was swift and typical. He apologized to the Special Olympic President, and the movement to end the use of "R" word was hailed by all as the way to bring everyone together in a hands across America moment of solidarity. Almost a year ago we had the duplicate type of reaction which began with President Obama referring to his bad bowling as "Special Olympic". This unfortunate use of the word retarded has allowed me to step back and realize that nothing has changed in the last year for people with mental disabilities. Bad attitudes and beliefs that there is no value in those who have disabilities is what truly is behind ignorant words that people use. In fact things may be a little harder in America today than one year ago for most. Funding has been slashed for many, the health care debate continues to put those with disabilities in precarious positions, and babies who may be born with disabilities continue to be aborted. As politicians use their own ignorance and mistakes as platforms for engineering campaigns for popularity, people with disabilities are being crushed into oblivion.

I recently was blessed to spend much time with disability ministry leaders from across the US while in Florida. To hear about how others are going about reaching the disabled community for Jesus is exciting and inspiring. Yet, I come away feeling like we are walking down a winding path to no where. We seem to have little idea where we want be at the end of the journey. We applaud the good reactions to ignorant statements made by politicians and others who do little to protect the innocent who need protecting. We get excited when "inspirational" people with disabilities accomplish fetes that move our emotions, and we cry tears of pain for the millions who are ignored, marginalized, and killed for having disabilities.

I am unsatisfied with our reactions to these moments. I am angered at our inability for 2000 years to convince the church of the need to complete the body by including those so desperately needed in it. I am devastated at the genocide of people with disabilities here in the US and through out the world. I am ashamed at the lack of love for people Jesus loved so dearly. I am sickened by our acceptance of the crumbs that drop from the tables of the typical church while people starve.

We need to wake up, we are at a point in history where we must fight, we are at a fork in the road and must know where we are going in order to decide which way to turn today. It does matter which way we go because we need to be together on the path in order to get to our appointed destination. We must begin casting vision to the future so we can walk the path in confidence and determination. We must paint a picture so amazing and beautiful that the existing church cannot deny the need to move towards it. We must unify the church in order that the world does not take from us the gift of disability that God has given us. We must be so sure of our calling, we must be willing to risk everything in pursuit of Gods voice. I am ready Lord, I am ready...

So as I begin to ponder what God has in store, I look forward to a future where people with disabilities complete our church bodies and the church finally works as the whole and powerful force that it should be. I look forward to a day when the birth of a baby with Down Syndrome is celebrated as a the rare and precious gift God has bestowed upon our families. I look forward to church services where people with disabilities gifts are on display so God's glory can be revealed to us in ways we never understood before. I look forward to the outpouring of the Holy Spirit which cannot be denied because God has used people without the mental capacity to manipulate or use Gods gift as an agenda to advance themselves. I look forward to walking into the gates of heaven and seeing Paul and Moses and then touching the disabling scars on Jesuses hands and feet as I truly understand for the first time that the last is now first and the poor now rich. What a day that will be!

We are Strong

One of my favorite movies is "Glory". It is the story of one of the first black regiments to fight in the civil war. It is about a group of men, united in their race, yet different in their approaches to dealing with a world that sees them less than human, without value, and as souless pieces of property. The story is about the formation of a new all black regiment, and their road to becoming a unified and strong group of men willing to sacrifice everything, to have freedom for all. They fought in the attack on Fort Wagner which was a near impossible battle for them to win. Yet knowing they would probably die in the process, they led the charge. The movies final scenes are so powerful, showing the charge up the hill to the fort, and the flag bearer leading the charge. Each time the flag bearer fell to gunfire, another soldier would pick up the flag to show everyone they were still moving ahead. As long as the flag was moving, everyone else followed. The Battle was eventually lost, but politically, it was pivotal in the winning of the war. It exposed the need for the strength of a group of people previously held without value until that time. It showed that the battle could not be won without the full army of men needed to fight. People who were kept locked away in the darkness of ignorance, hate, and fear, finally came to front lines to bring light and carry the flag. It was a dark time in American history, we were more divided than we have ever been. Yet through the sacrifice of so many, the oppresive darkness was illuminated, and America was changed.

We started the Able Church in order to begin a process of organizing a regiment. We are a group finding our way, learning to be leaders, servants, and soldiers. We have encountered judgement, disbelief, and even anger at our vision. Much like the fighting 54th infantry of Glory, we are endeavoring to do things most do not believe can be done, and even fewer are willing to try. We want to lead by holding the flag up high. We want give opportunity for our brothers and sisters with disabilities to use the gifts God has given them to illuminate the darkness of the body, to bring completeness to an an incomplete church. The world has put people with disabilities in a place very close to what the black race encountered in the Civil War days. We kill off our unborn because they may have a disability, we devalue millions of people because they don't look, talk, walk, or live up to bar we have set. We rule people out because of what is seen rather than what is unseen. In the process we are losing a part of our own body, a needed, life giving, and important part.

The church is the only place where this can change, where we can embrace and retain a part of "us" so badly needed. It is a dark time in America, it is a dark time in the church, we are as divided as ever, we need strength now more than ever. We need a group that appears weak and unable to lead to show God's strength, bring unity, and lead a charge.

We are thankful to Living Hope Church, who have embraced us and given us a home, a family, and opportunity to be part of the fight. We will fight the battle along side them, carrying the flag so the world can see our God, whom is our only hope, in this dark world. Together we are learning that We are Strong and if we fight the battles God leads us to then we can help win the war.

Little Tony

Happy New Year

Many are the plans of a man's heart but it is the Lords purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21

I have been reflecting on the year of 2009, as many have, entering a new year. It was a good year, a hard year, a growing year, a year God pressed on me to takes steps to move closer to him. This is good... yet growth hurts as it stretches and changes everything.

Our camp theme was "I am God's Plan". The camp theme is a big deal to me. I spend allot of time in thought, prayer and preparation before I present it to everyone. The theme over the last year has helped me to come to a place of acceptance of what I believe God is moving me towards in my life. A year ago as a cloudy vision unfolded, I did not like God's purpose for me and was unwilling to accept it, as I already had a plan. So 12 months later and I have grown and now can see with clearer vision how God will unfold His plan for me and others. I am scared as move forward, I have said before, that the man God has shown me down the road, seems like an impossibility for me to be. I see my self doing things I know I cannot do, nor really want to. But, above my fear and self centeredness is my love for God, and knowledge that He can accomplish anything He wishes through us if we just say yes.

So in 2010 I am resolving to be at peace where God is taking me, to act in His strength as I do the work He lays out, and to be relentless in conveying the message He gives me to share.

I share all of that to tell you our theme at Camp Daniel for 2010..."We are Strong" I know it sounds simple, yet it conveys what we need to believe in order to share God's love in way to shake the world. Our campers must know that they are strong, because God has gifted them with weakness, and it is easier for Him to show His power through already weak vessels. We must come to the church with this message; embrace those who seem weak, those the world hates, because they are strong.

I am, on one hand not looking foward to a year of embracing this paradox. It will prove to be hard, to say the least. But on the other hand I look forward to the challenge of leading the charge. I will, in the coming days share more about it. In the meantime I am thankful to God for His patience in dealing with me yet another year as I pursue my own plans and He laughs as He unfolds His purpose. I sure am weak... I mean strong!

LT

A Song for the Shepherds

"Then Spread my thoughts to olden times, to that first of Christmases...

When the shepherds who were watching, heard the music in the fields.

They sat and they marveled, they just could not tell...

whether it were angels, or if the bright stars were singing.

It was the singing of the angels, it was the comfort of our Lord."

Words from a poem by Robert Bridges, 1913

Some years ago on Thanksgiving night, I had been working very late in the office. I opened to door to walk home and my breath was taken away as northern lights lit up the sky. I have seen the northern lights dancing in the sky a hundred times before, but nothing compared to these. Honestly, the colors, brightness, and dancing was unmatched by anything I had ever seen in the sky in my life, even in the skies above Disney World! I stood in awe. As I watched, I was struck by the thought of the Shepherds standing in the fields of David outside of Bethlehem, on that first Christmas night. As the heavenly host of angels appeared, it could only have been one of the most awesome and magnificent sights ever to be seen on earth.

As I watched the show in the sky, my thoughts ran back to camp the previous summer and a particular chapel service that anyone who attended will never forget. God's presence came down and filled the air in way I have never experienced before in my life. All who were there were so blessed to be in God's presence. To this day people who were there still talk about that service. I have thought often about that night, why would God choose to bring down his power upon the campers and counselors as He did in that Camp Chapel?

My thoughts then went back to to the Shepherds that first Christmas, a group of people considered lowest on social totem pole, unwanted in town, poor and very much on the outside of the culture and community of the town of Bethlehem. Rabbi's looked at their undisciplined lifestyles in distain, so they where unwanted in the synagogue. History tells us that they where not even considered credible witnesses in the courts of the time, because of peoples perception of them. So why would God announce the birth of Jesus to this group of people? Why would God reach down His hand to those considered the lowest, on the outside of the community of the day?

The people we serve at Camp Daniel are so often unwanted, pushed out of town, poor, uninvited by most churches and typical culture. They are very much the shepherds of our day. My experience among people with disabilities has been that God's presence is powerful when they gather to worship Him. They often have little doubt that God is with us, because His presence is powerful, beautiful and humbling and they experience it on a regular basis.

I will never forget those northern lights in the sky, it will always remind me to be waiting amongst those with no agenda, no religon, and pure hearts. I will never forget that chapel service, as my life was changed that night in the presence of God. Oh God help us to continue to push forward, so the church can see you in a way they have not. Help us to embrace those on the outside who are blessed in their gift to be in your presence.

...Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Preach What You Practice

"Faith in the hearer is the life of the Word"
Matthew Henry

For unto us was the gospel preached, as well as unto them: but the word preached did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in them that heard it. Hebrews 4:2.

I was with a friend yesterday talking about the ministries I am involved in. He said to me, "Tony, I have always admired that you really practice what you preach". I have heard this before and it bothers me every time I hear it. looking back, I find that the times I have found myself in trouble as a leader has been when my ego inflates enough, that I tell others what to do when I am unwilling to face certain things myself. Many Christians find themselves in trouble as leaders, as missionaries, and as representatives of the Gospel by trying to live up to our own words. It can be near impossible, trying to get others to do what we are not willing to do, and is surely a bad way to lead. So I have tried to live by the standard of preaching what I practice. It sounds nearly the same but it is not.

Preaching what you practice is really a testimony to celebrate what God does through your life. Preaching what you practice is teaching with experience behind it. Preaching what you practice pushes you forward to experience more of God, in order that there is more to preach, preaching what you practice is mixing faith to the Word as it says in Hebrew 4:2. While we always should preach the scripture, it becomes much more effective if we are living out the scripture in faith as we preach it. You see, I cannot do anything unless God does it through me, and if God does it through me and I live it, it then is scripture come alive. It is very effective to preach an alive scripture, alive scripture takes faith to live out. Jesus is scripture come alive, He is the Word and lived all the scripture, and was perfect. While we will never perfect, we must attain to be like Christ, who is the Word. So in the end it is important to preach what we practice, to talk what we walk, to have living faith that is guided by the Word and spoken, yet backed up by that faith God has lived out in us.
LT

Creative Extremists

"The question is not whether we will be extremists but what kind of extremist will we be. Will we be extremists for hate or will we be extremists for love? Will we be extremists for the preservation of injustice-or will we be extremists for the cause of justice? In that dramatic scene on Calvary's hill, three men were crucified for the same crime - the crime of extremism. Two were extremists for immorality, and thus fell below their environment. So, after all, maybe the nation and the world are in dire need of creative extremists"

Martin Luther King

I love this quote. In fact I love just about everything I have ever read that Dr. King ever said. Most of His words are applicable to civil rights, disability rights, the church and to the way we live in America in general. But maybe I like these words because I am an extremist, in some ways I have always been. My parents would get mad at me as a kid as it was one way or another for me. My mom would read a poem to me about Oh Tony, part of it went like this: "when he was good he was very, very good, but when he was bad... he was horrible" . I remember in high school being at party with a bunch of my friends and it getting out of hand and I may have been one of the instigators. One of my friends got really mad as we all where hiding down the block in some neighbors bushes as the cops broke the party up. He said Tony... your problem is you always push everything right to the edge and your not happy until you push one last time and everything goes right over the cliff!

So there it is, I am an extremist, my gift is my curse, as is it is in most people. Some people are accusing and say you are a perfectionist, or you are never satisfied, or you don't know when to quit, but I have never felt like those accusations fit me just right. I just find it easy to push things along and I want the best, especially when it comes to serving Jesus. The part that Dr. King says that is important is; is to be an creative extremist. There are millions of extremist type people out there but pushing the extreme just like someone else; is really just being a follower and has average outcomes. If you can take extremism and add creativity to it I think there is great outcomes to be had. Look back on history, many creative extremist helped change the world; Dr. King, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther, Walt Disney, Abe Lincoln. These people all took what they believed in to far, where never satisfied, and did not know when to quit. But the world is not the same because of them. I hope someday to go stumbling into heaven, tired and exhausted, having been working hard for the kingdom. I do not want to shed tears of regret as I walk through the gates over things unfinished or untried, or over people I never told about Jesus, but rather walk in with tears of joy that my Jesus will wipe away.

I challenge all who read this to commit to being creative extremists for Jesus. We are to be like Him, so we must be extremists. I am sure that Dr. Kings family often said, Martin, you shouldn't have said that, or done that or sat there or prayed for them. But I believe millions upon millions are thankful for his extreme vision,views and commitment to the cause of equality for all people. Lets be committed, like Jesus himself the ultimate creative extremist.

LT

Kent

"A kind loving character is the best tombstone. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble." Charles Spurgeon

Saturday was cousin Kent's memorial service. I was asked to talk a little about him. As I thought about what to say I kept thinking of the days up at the cabin with Tim, Kent and Jeff with Grandma and Grandpa Bruette. Those long summer days where filled with adventure, fun, freedom, love, work and play. My cousins where like older brothers to me and we have shared a bond that goes beyond time, distance or anything measurable. We like to measure things. We get caught up in numbers. We need results in order to calculate success. Kent's life defied those definitions. He was not comparable to other people, he was... well, just Kent.

I don't look back on anything Kent accomplished in the physical world as his legacy. His legacy is in this room and in Cordova Alaska. It is in loving relationships with people. I guess the closest person that I have known like Kent was Grandpa Bruette, a friend to everyone, kind to everyone, willing to help or love anyone. A walking, living, breathing sermon on love and kindness.

As I sifted through memories of Kent, each memory brought me to a place where I laughed or scratched my head. Most memories of Kent I have are like that that though. He often left you scratching your head but he also always left you laughing with a smile on your face.Three random remembrances I had this week are these. Kent laying in the loft in the log cabin and it being 100 degrees and I was laying on top of my covers in my underwear sweating and Kent was in his jeans and sweatshirt underneath one of grandmas wool blankets snoring a way in rhythm with Grandpa who was down below. I remember crawling around the back yard of the cabin picking night crawlers after a two day rain. It was pitch black and quiet except for the occasional yell and curse as Kent had torn every night crawler in half he tried to pick. I remember being about 10 years old, canoeing down the Wolf creek and Kent getting out at a beaver dam and sinking in the muck up to his armpits. As he finally pulled himself back into the canoe he looked at me a said oofda, that was close, if I drowned there you would have had to row all the way back yourself.I have also thought of many, many stories that involved Tim, Kent, Jeff and I that cannot share here as they would be inappropriate!

My last memory I want to share is from the time Kent spent as a missionary in the disabled community in Minneapolis, with Special Force Family Ministry. I believe this time was pivotal for Kent as he came into a loving relationship with Jesus there, and that was a spring board to his time in Alaska. remember going up to visit and Kent was taking care of Al. Al was a wonderful man in his 70's who had CP and used a wheelchair. Al could do nothing physically for him self. He lived in homes his whole life as he needed full care. Al was brilliantly smart and a preacher at heart but was very hard to understand. Al loved God with all he had and was not shy to tell others, Al's main message in life was to have Joy no matter the circumstance, even in the hardest darkest and most painful times that life could bring. In fact the last conversation I had with kent on the phone we talked about Al. Kent expressed to me that Al had allots to do with Kent's acceptance of Jesus into his life. That day, Kent's care for Al was lacking in my mind, Al looked disheveled and messy, a little like Kent himself. I got mad and went in Al's room to tell him not to put up with it. Al got quiet and tearful, and I knew I was in for a scolding. He began to tell me not to be so judgmental, while Kent's care for him was not up to my standard; it was actually above Kent's standard. Al said that Kent took care of him even better than he took care of himself, and that Kent was the most loving a caregiver he ever had.

That was Kent to me, loving, caring, willing to be down in a hole, washing the feet of an old man in a wheelchair. Kent was a man who's standards for love and kindness where more in line with heavens than mine will ever be. Kent, we will miss you. The world is a little less loving with out you here.

LT

Door Openers and Door Keepers

"We must care enough to not throw a drowning man both ends of the rope.” Arthur Baer

Do you remember the old, epic movie about Noah? Noah had built the ark, being laughed at and taunted all along the way. But when the rains came and and God shut the great door, people began to run to the ark and pound on the walls to get in, crying as they realized they needed to be aboard that ark. As a child that scene was scary to me, but also showed me the importance of the church, being an lifeboat to drowning people, something I have never forgot.

Our church has an incredible ministry called the doorkeepers. Doorkeepers greet people as they enter church on Sundays, get to know the new families, and introduce new people to others in the church and pray with them. It is a big responsibility to help new people adjust and become part of the church family on Sunday mornings and also build relationships with them outside of the church doors throughout the week. Their job is really to be lifeline, pulling people into the safety of the church. I believe it is among the most important ministries within the church. Our church is filled with loving people who find relationship to be very important, yet it takes work to be in those loving relationships. This ministry creates the atmosphere to be able to build these type of relationships. It is, in the end, a way to see people saved and to grow, both new people entering the church for the first time and also for those who do the doorkeeper work, to be stretched as they continually encounter new people, which is scary for many people to do.

I attended a doorkeeper meeting last week, trying to learn more, to be able to bring this needed ministry to other parts of our church I am involved in. As I listened, I began to think about The Noah movie and that scene. The picture I had was of one of Noah's sons helping other family members as the ran onto the ark. This is what the doorkeepers do, help others board the ark. I began to think of my own place in our church family, while I am not officially a doorkeeper I must have their attitude of building relationships at all times. I know I must not function independently of this or any ministry in the church. We must all depend on each others strengths and weaknesses to grow. But if I am not a doorkeeper than what am I? I guess I find myself being more of a dooropener than a doorkeeper. Someone who gets out in front and creates new doors for people to enter and others to keep. I believe churches often get focused on the front doors of the church and forget that people are banging on the walls all around the Church desperate to get in, we just need to make doors for them to come in and have people there to keep those doors and help them in. Many times our attitude is negative, believing we need to find ways just to get people near the ark, but the reality is that people are drowning and are desperately looking for loving relationships which reflect the love of Jesus so they can be saved. If we can create doors, keep the doors, and train new keepers and openers, our church family will grow, each of us more like Jesus, focused on saving some more.

It says in John 9, that our time is limited,the day is coming when we will not be able to save any more, when God will shut the door on the ark. Lets get as many aboard as we can before that day, because its raining now, and people are pounding on our walls. Are we there, ready to throw them a rope and pull them in?

LT

Kathy Stank, is singing with Jesus

As I prepared to leave for the cabin and a weeks respite with Karol and the kids this morning, we received a phone call. Our very first camper, our friend , our sister; Kathy Stank died yesterday. Kathy had a massive heart attack and died immediately in her room at the nursing home she lived in.

Kathy had impacted so many lives over the last 14 years at Camp Daniel. She above all people I know, was ready to go, she loved Jesus with all her heart. Kathy's father died just 2 weeks ago, and she was unable to come to camp that week. Instead we where able to arrange for her to be at camp last week. Kathy had a wonderful week impacting her counselor, other campers and counselors and all of our staff yet again. Kathy's family is suffering at these two significant losses in such a short time, please pray for them.

Kathy closed our last chapel on Friday night by once again singing the old hymn "Crown of Thorns" which she has sang every year since she began coming to camp in 1997. I will write another entry here later tonight describing her impact on our ministry. We have all been blessed by her love.

The Visitation is at the Rhoades/Charpata Funeral home Thursday afternoon at 1:30 PM with the funeral following at 2:30. Her family has asked me to do her funeral, of which I could not be more proud to do. I ask for your prayer and for you to join us singing the hymns she blessed us by singing each year at camp on Thursday.

LT

Filled...With Joy

- - the joy of the Lord will make you strong." Nehemiah 8:10b

Each week we press on in the summer, the exhaustion mounts. 6 weeks of hard labor getting the lakefront ready for work groups, shoveling, nailing, moving earth, pouring concrete. Immediately into camps 1 and 2 with only one day off between. Then a week off with 38 youth and workers on the grounds , in our house, and working hard. Then back at camp, we had a day off yesterday afternoon and this morning we began to get ready and counselors and workers here again, on Saturday, we finally can stop for while as Karol, the kids and I head off to our cabin for a week of rest!

I don't tell you this to elicit pity or praise. I tell you this as a back drop to understand what I am going to say. God has changed me, moved me, grown me, and stretched more in the last 11 weeks than he has in the previous 41 weeks since this time last year. Each summer God has done the same in my life, each time I focus on Him, His work, His word, and His direction, He changes my heart. The rest of the year change happens but much less dramatically. Why is that? Is it me, am I different in those times? Does it depend on what I am doing? Am I so tired that cannot resist? I think all of those things are part of it. but I believe the reason more than any is that I am becoming weaker as the days pass by. My defense or my flesh is down, My mind is a bit slower, and my spirit is as open as ever to God's leading, my heart is connected directly to those we are ministering with and to. I know the Bible says that when we are weak He is strong, but rarely do I find myself in the place of real weakness.

I remember when Dan was so weak and sick in his last weeks of life. God shown through him in way we never saw before. As he became weaker and weaker, God's power was more evident in him. Lives where changed in those last weeks, mine included. Jesus, in the weakest position possible as a human; stripped, hanging on the cross, beaten and bloody, changed everything for humankind.

I am told so often from well meaning friends to slow down, pace myself, and don't burn out. I have written before that I want to burn out for Jesus, because I do have faith He will restore my strength. As I empty some of the me, He can fill with some of Him. I am not saying that one should be busy for Jesus, I am saying we should be in His will, doing His work, as hard as we can, as long as we can, as much as we can. That means in every phase of our lives; family, ministry, work, play, rest, whatever. He must be the center in all of those things, one is not separate from the other, it is all Gods work. I know He will work in us, changing us, loving us, helping us, so we can help others change, love, and work for Him. So I write this exhausted, hurting, my heart bleeding, my mind spinning, yet I am filled with joy; joy that God has filled me up with!

"The best is yet to come" -- Uncle Jerry

“Leadership is getting someone to do what they don't want to do, to achieve what they need to achieve.” --Tom Landry

We are leaving to begin our last 2 weeks of camp this afternoon. I am done with preparation, packing, creating, thinking, and all things necessary to put on a camp. In fact we have had such great help this year that I find my self sitting down just 2 hours before we will leave and waiting to go. God has blessed us over the last several years with new staff, coming on board to missionaries with Camp Daniel.

I have been learning to be a different kind of leader this year, I find in order to be more effective I must give away many things I have done in the past. It has been hard for me, I am hands on, I like to do and fix. It is very necessary to step away from certain things and allow others to do them. I like to lead by example, to experience things I ask others to do. I have had to change my concept on leading and try to define more precisely what I should be doing as leader.

I have been blessed over the last 2 years to part of Living Hope Church. There I have learned much on being a healthy leader in an healthy environment. My Uncle Jerry who is Pastor there, has invested much in me, and my ministry. He has shown me how to lead people instead of leading a ministry. His loving concern for each person that walks in the doors of the church has impacted me greatly, first and foremost he wants to see people saved, and then he works to usher them into becoming God's disciples. He often says, "the best is yet to come", and I wonder if many people in the church really understand what that can mean. For all of us it means change, growth, more of jesus , less of us.

It has taken time for me to adjust to where God is leading. I fight change and growth in myself hard, I have gone through many definitions of what I believe God wants me to be. I have mistepped along the way, but God is gracious and patient in remaking me into what He wants. I know that this refining process will last my lifetime and not until I get to heaven will it make sense. What I have come to terms with though is that it matters little what or where I am doing what I do, all that matters is that I am growing and helping others to grow. I love the quote above, it is a job description for me. I was put on this earth to help others move towards Jesus, pushing , shoving, hugging, encouraging, crying and laughing, what ever it takes. I know we all need to grow and we all need to change and God has provided many tools for that to happen. I know God will use whatever means necessary to get us moving. So this is what I do; stretch my self and stretch others so we can all be a little more like Jesus. That is my calling, this is my mission. I know to be relentless in this task, that is what I believe makes a leader; willingness to grow, change, and become more like Christ. We leave for camp in an hour, for two weeks of change, growth and becoming more like Jesus. I must lead this, so I must grow and change, so I ask for your prayer to be relentless in this pursuit, no matter how hard the change is.

My good friend Linda Howard is a great blogger and has an entry that I think is worth looking at. Linda has been a minister in the mentally disabled community for many years. Linda and the rest of the ministers at The Special Gathering have been instrumental in my development as a disability Minister. They are among the best at what they do and have lovingly taught many people how to minister. This blog entry is about worship in a setting for people with mental disabilities and is interesting if you have ministered to this group in any way check out this link: http://specialgathering.wordpress.com/2009/07/30/appropriate-worship/ or access it through my blog list to the right.

LT

God has a Plan

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace." Helen Howarth Lemmel

I have always spent much time wondering, pondering and thinking about why. I am someone who needs answers, I always have been. As a kid I would badger my parents always asking why. I naturally want to question everything, and have have the "veil of things seen and unseen torn away". I remember singing the words of "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus", in a chapel at a camp for people with disabilities so many years ago. How the fog of the world was lifted for the first time and I understood my purpose on earth. How the pain of not knowing why I hurt on the inside melted away as my heart was looking toward heaven instead of my eyes or my brain looking at he world. I am so thankful that others followed the plan God had for their lives, so I had that opportunity and now can offer it to others.

We have just finished the first 2 weeks of Camp Daniel. Almost 300 people participated over those two weeks. Lives where changed, people where saved, and life will never be the same for so many. The last week was hard, as we dealt with issues of abuse that so many campers live with in their homes on a daily basis, Our campers come and have, for many, the very greatest week of their lives and then we send many back into the very worst of situations where they are abused by evil people. Honestly, it is the one thing that trips me up, causes me to lose focus and begin to ask God WHY? I can be in the middle of the most loving, wonderful place on earth, and still get into a funk of sadness, pain, and questioning. At the end of the week it hit me hard, and after our last evening chapel I was brooding over it all and muttering to God about how I never agreed to this when we started out. But a camper saw that I was unhappy and hugged me and told me she was happy, because she got to meet Jesus tonight. As I walked away from that simple moment in tears I realized I had lost focus, that I had let the things of the world once again cloud my vision. I asked God for forgiveness and thanked him for using a person with a disability to once again minister to me and turn my eyes to Jesus.

I look forward to the last two weeks of camp, ready to face whatever God brings to us. My call is clear and simple; to keep my eyes on Jesus and help others to do the same. God has a plan for each of us and all of us, sometimes that plan walks us through a valley, sometimes it has us standing on a mountaintop, but what we see in either of those places should never change, it should always be Jesus we are focused upon.

LT

Expecting Change

"Vision is seeing tomorrow so powerfully that it shapes today" Walter Wright

It has been weeks since my last Blog. We have been working from almost dawn to dusk everyday for 3 weeks. We have been working the long hours finishing a huge lakefront, and craft cabin project. Tim has been leading crews tearing out and rebuilding the cabin; plumbing, heating, electrical, rough carpentry, finish, etc... and I have led crews tearing apart the acre of earth around it, pouring concrete roads, retaining walls and filling with hundreds of yards of sand and dirt. The project is huge, everyone that comes and sees it thinks we are a little nuts for undertaking it in the weeks before camp. Yet it is easy for me in that, my mind has a firm grasp on what it will become and be used for. That vision God has given us is what makes it possible to work so hard, sacrifice so much and have patience in waiting for the finish to come. His expectation is only seems to be for us to work as hard as we can for Him and embrace the change in our lives that come from it.

Building Camp Daniel has been a long, long fifteen year process. We shape and change the landscape, build buildings, paths, and gardens and know one day it will be used for its full potential of sharing Gods love with thousands of people with disabilities. The grounds have been transformed into a beautiful place showcasing Gods creation. But there is far to go. It takes many people who are willing to sacrifice, willing to give time, money, possessions and sweat on order for it to happen. Each stage of building often depends on finishing the stage before. Some things that need changing or built, are impossible now, but with time will be possible. We just must wait for the right people or tools. With each finished building we rejoice at a finished work, but walk a few feet away to address the next project. Through it all we build a testimony of how God has provided each opportunity, and all we need to do is continue working hard and walking on the path He has us on.

This process has been important in my life to help me see the way God can work, and has worked in me. He sees what we can become, He looks at the coming battles and knows what we need to be in order to face them. He is willing to work with us, stick with us, and shape us. His focus is changing us, giving us the right doses of love that come in the form of embrace, suffering, laughter, pain, and victory. He knows what is best for us, because he knows our purpose, in fact He made us for a purpose and His plan will help us become what He needs us to be. Sometimes it hurts, being bulldozed or rewired can be a hard process, but we must trust God that He knows what He is doing.

As I type I am finding it uncomfortable as my my hands ache from the onset of arthritis and busted knuckles and fingers. My back hurts, my arms are sunburned, and my muscles are achey. But the pains are good pains because they are the pains of change, being broken into what God wants for me. He knows what I am and how I need to change to become more like Him. I have learned to be in expectation, and acceptance of change, growth and remodeling. I look around Camp Daniel and see so much left to do, and I know that there is so much left for God to do in me.

Thank you Father God for the work you invest in me, to change me, remodel me. I ask for the help I need to do the same for you here at Camp Daniel, so others may know your life changing love and your plan for their lives.

Attack!

This week part of our Missionary family has been on a missions trip with another ministry who has camps for people with disabilities in NW Minnesota. Tim and Marceaux are being caregivers to two young men with both physical and mental disabilities.  John, Jen and I are speakers in a chapel service for about 40 campers. This camp has two separate chapels for people with higher and lower cognitive levels. Our chapel is for those with a lower cognitive level.

We must teach in different ways to reach their learning level and social level. We are forced to be slower in our delivery, and simpler in our teaching. We must use very concrete illustrations and make sure to have only one point we teach in each lesson. Our songs are sung slower, with fewer words, and with simpler melodies. All of the people that are in our chapels are adults so we walk a fine line of not ever wanting to be demeaning with child type teachings or songs. So it is a great exercise for us to really plan allot, think allot and work together to minister to a group that is always overlooked. 

There are no discipleship materials for this group, no websites to look up bible studies, or even books to help us to teach a group of people very hungry for Jesus. We must create each lesson, trying to lean on a little bit of experience we do have. Almost all of the group does not attend church, mainly because they simply do not fit into any class, structure, group, or ministry that currently exists in any church. Yet each person in this group has made a decision for Jesus over the years at this camp. 

This group of people are gifted by God with gifts not always seen in the church; they have expressed an unconditional love and acceptance. They have not tried in any way to hide their feelings, their good or bad behaviors, or their intentions from us , each other, or their caregivers; they are honest.  They show us Jesus in way few ever get o experience. 

So how is it that a group of people so full of gifts and love are not using their gifts in corporate worship, discipleship and outreach in any church? I have spent many years trying to understand, and have spent many years hurting for this group. One of the things that has become obvious in our ministry is that a group such as this, understands the concept of being forsaken. Yes forsaken, you know, it is what Jesus experienced on the cross from God. I have no concept of it, I cannot relate: I am loved, I have been adored, I have been accepted, I have been given every earthly blessing and have had every need filled. Those who sit in our chapel understand it though.

Tim's camper Curt has expressed it this week. Generally he doesn't talk, usually no one cares, always he is shunned, yet this week he speaks, this week he communicates, because some one loves him. What a blessing to walk with someone who has such a connection to the cross, someone who relates to how Jesus was rejected;  for us. That is power, that is God working. 

So you ask what am I saying here? is Curt only valuable because he hurts and is rejected? No I am saying Curt is a child of God, Just like me, and he has gifts, just like me. But he is so important to the church because he loves, even if he is not loved by others. Because he has only good intentions and does not want to hurt anyone, even though he has been so hurt. He is honest even though he is lied to, he is accepting even though he has been rejected. those are real gifts, powerful gifts the church cannot be without. I Come with the baggage that can say don't love because others have not loved me how they should, don't give because others have taken, don't be honest because everyone lies. 

Father God help us to find people like this who know you in ways we cannot begin to understand, and help them use their gifts to reveal you in all your incredible glory. If the gates of hell are to be attacked, than the church needs to have its full arsenal. 

LT