“In His splendid discontent, God made the world.” --Ela Wheeeler Wilcox
I come from a long line of people who tend to see life from the negative side, we ussually think with negative minds. It is a curse to think in that way, as I am rarely satisfied with things as they are. Over the last few years I have realized that my negativeness has a positive and negative side. Some of what would seem negative, stems from a discontenet that swells from my heart. These last few years God has helped me become very aware of the negativeness of my mind , but has also shown light upon a discontent of my soul. this discontent , I believe, is a good thing God has given to help me serve Him.
The negativeness of my mind is flesh problem, wrapped in ego, pain, and selfishness. It is something I must be constantly vigilant in dealing with, consistently praying for help in and always looking for accountability to guard against it.
The discontent of my soul is usually the sign I need to push ahead with an action or decision for God. It is what compels me to action as I can no longer stand to see things go as they are going. I must be tireless in understanding God's direction by listening to others, reading my Bible, and praying for help.
The battle comes as both voices in my heart and in my head, can be loud. I must be able to recognize the difference in these voices if I am to an effective servant for Jesus. If I ere on the negative side I become a sullen, jaded, angry man with depression nipping at my heals. I have often been that man, and have had to climb out of that pit many, many times. Every day I must be vigilant, and yet still I think I lose the battle more than I win.
The discontent of my soul is sweet spot, it is when I feel most connected to God, and the more I am in that place the easier it is to hear that voice. The discontent of my soul is also a painful place, where hurt occurs, where refining is happening. That is where I need to be, where God can grow me. The negativness of my mind is stunting, it is water on the refining process that makes my heart brittle and hard.
I tend to be someone who is often looking at a picture off in the future. The picture that God has given me of where I stand many years from now scares me. I feel unequipped to be the man I see off in the distance, doing what he is doing. So I must grab on to those things that cause me holy discontent, as those are the places of change where God works to make us into usable clay. I want to be His vessel, I want to molded into what he wants. But the devil is always close, waiting to knock me off of God's potters wheel. What a jerk that devil is, God surely could have done better in dealing with that...there I go again, with my negative mind. O God help me hear your voice, give a discontented heart that crys out to you.